You know you live in India when...

So over the last few days I have had several moments where I just had to stop and take a minute and ask, "Is this real life?" Or better yet, "Is this my life? Really?" So I started making a list in my head of "You know you live in India when..." Let me share a few.

....you stand too close to a goat and it starts to eat your dupatta (scarf). The scarf you are wearing on your neck. Suddenly it's in a goat's mouth. No one even seems bothered by this. No big deal... it's a normal, everyday affair to have a goat eat your clothes off your body.

....you see a sign that says, "Do not urinate here" in Hindi and in English. Now, why is it necessary to designate spots where this ISN'T appropriate? Shouldn't there more places where it's not okay than where it is? And directly beneath the sign is a HUGE pile of trash. It seems hypocritical, or pointless maybe. 

....you shower with the "butt sprayer" because it's the last place to lose water in your flat. True story: the water went out for several hours the other day, and I HAD to leave the house by a certain time, which was fast approaching. So I had to shower with the "bidet sprayer," better known as the butt sprayer, because it's the last to lose water...and it has the best water pressure...just sayin'.

....you watch a movie one night and run into the actress at the mall the next day. Okay, so maybe that one is "You know you live in Bollywood when..."

....you are sitting on the floor in someone's home and feel something behind you, hoping it's a cat, until you hear it squeak and realize that it is not a cat. And you can't react.  

....you see 6 grown men plus the driver in an auto, which is meant to only carry 3 people plus the driver. And they are all starting at you. 

....it's normal to see kids on the side of the road squatting next to each other talking and playing while they poop.

....you get cold if it gets below 80 degrees. 

....children on school buses point and yell, "Foreigner!" and giggle uncontrollably.

....you plan to buy groceries, books, flowers, etc. at certain stop lights.

....you catch yourself pointing with your eyes and agreeing with a head bobble.

....looking "fatter and fairer" is meant to be a compliment.

....everything tastes bland without hot sauce.

....you eat with your hands (even though you have utensils).

....you see a man painting an idol, a statue that will be worshiped as god, on the side of the road. Or there is a whole strip of shops that sell idols and the little cabinets to put them in. Side note: I still cannot wrap my mind around worshiping something you can paint, or put in a cabinet, or purchase, or chisel out of stone. It's hard to watch...and it's everywhere.

I love living here, but sometimes it just hits me like a wave that "we are not in Kansas anymore"...