Day 5: Rickshaws in the Rain

This nice man took us to the train station in the rain. I was so thankful for him because Lena and I would have been in a pickle...and very wet had he not picked us up. :)

Day 4: Home Sweet Home

This morning I woke up sad. So sad to leave vacation. So not ready to enter the craziness that is Mumbai. However, when I stepped off the plane in Mumbai, I felt relief. A surprise. Relieved to be home. Mumbai feels like home. A moment of thanks.

We got home and saw familiar faces. A moment of thanks. Thank You for familiarity. Thank You for these people.

We walk into our flat, and there's Patricia! A moment of "Thank You!" She has made us a welcome cake, complete with a sign. A moment of thanks.

Thank you, Patricia, for making us a cake! :)

We arrived on Day 2 of 11 of a festival called Ganapati. For people from Mumbai (and Maharashtra--the state), Ganapati is like Christmas. We were able to spend some time getting to know our neighbors better. Building relationships. A moment of thanks.

People are playing drums and dancing in the streets. This is home. Thank You, Father, for making this place feel like home.

The view from our living room.

Banging drums. People dancing.

Day 3: Simplicity

Today I continually found myself giving thanks for the simplest of things and moments. I tend to complicate things so much in my mind. But really following Jesus is simple. I give Him my sin, my unrighteousness. He gives me His righteousness. I lay down my life. He lives His life through me. I enjoy Him. He is glorified. It doesn't really get any better than that, does it?

So...Think simplicity.

Day 2: Charlie

God glorifies Himself toward the creatures also in two ways: 1. By appearing to…their understanding. 2. In communicating Himself to their hearts, and in their rejoicing and delighting in, and enjoying, the manifestations which He makes of Himself.… God is glorified not only by His glory’s being seen, but by its being rejoiced in. When those that see it delight in it, God is more glorified than if they only see it.… He that testifies his idea of God’s glory [doesn’t] glorify God so much as he that testifies also his approbation of it and his delight in it.

-Jonathan Edwards (as quoted in Desiring God)

I read this last night in Desiring God. It goes right along with what I’ve learning and doing with this concept of eucharisteo, so I thought I’d share it.

Today was another perfect day, much like yesterday. I am thankful to God for the peace and serenity of this place and this vacation as a whole. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

Okay, for today’s picture. Here it is. 

Now let me explain the events leading up to this little guy, who I named Charlie. :)

I’m sitting in my lawn chair listening to a pretty boring podcast staring at the water. Out of the corner of my eye I see two dogs down the beach having a lot more fun than me chasing birds in the water. They are hilarious. They warm my heart.

 So I decide to go see if they will befriend me. (I love dogs. Really. Love. Dogs. I miss my dog, Sam, so much it physically hurts sometimes.) On my way over Lena makes a comment about a “chunk of my calf” being missing one day because I try to pet pretty much all dogs I see. I start to second guess myself. But I go anyway.  As I get closer, they notice me and start walking away. I start thinking about my calf that might be missing if I go closer. Then I start thinking about my fingers. I like my calves and my fingers where they are. I turn back. Oh well. They’re fun to watch. 

So I return to my chair and sit down. No sooner than I sit does this little fellow, Charlie, arrive. He walks right up to me. I exclaim, “Thank You, Jesus. You knew I wanted to pet a puppy so bad today!” Lena laughs really hard and says, “You know, you’re exactly right.” She continues to laugh and take a picture for me. :)

He stayed with us and eventually made his way right into my lap. Adorable. Then I went to the water for a minute. He followed me down there and played in the sand while I played in the water. After a few minutes of that he followed me back to my chair, where he made himself comfortable. :) So I explain to Charlie, “It’s okay; I was getting ready to go inside anyways. You can stay and keep Lena company.” 

What a fun day. Thank You, Jesus!

 

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. -Psalm 118:29

Day 1: The Easy Eucharisteo

From One Thousand Gifts.

Today was probably the easiest day of my life to be thankful. It is well documented. :) We're at Dolphin Bay in Thailand during low season. So we had a beach all to ourselves today. It was beautiful. And serene. And about as close to a perfect day as I could imagine.

Beautiful. Serene. A beach all to ourselves.

I found 20 baht on the beach!

Orchids. So pretty.

Baby goats. So cute.

I've been craving a blizzard from Dairy Queen for almost 2 months. We walk into a random mall and there is a shining beacon of hope...the home of blizzards! I rejoice. And savor every bite. :) Thank You!

A beautiful beach. A gentle breeze. The sound of waves hitting the shore. Tasty treats. :) All gifts. Chara. Reflections of Him. Maybe the best thing--or one of the best things--about God is that He is inexhaustible. I will never come to the end of Him. I am definitely thankful for that.

Eucharisteo.

Oops. I think it's been five months since my last post on here. I'm really terrible at this. But that's all about to change. At least just the consistency of my posts--I'm committed for the next 30 days. I'll explain.

For the past year or so, since I started training to move to India, the consistent theme of my time has been "abide." John 15 and 1 John have been the places I have camped out the most on this topic. What does it mean to abide? Here's where I started:

According to Strong's (Thank you biblestudytools.com):

Meno--

1. to remain, abide

    a. in reference to place

2. to sojourn, tarry

3. not to depart

    a. to continue to be present

    b. to be held, kept, continually

    c. in reference to time

4. to continue to be, not to perish, to last, endure

    a. of persons, to survive, live

    b. in reference to state or condition

5. to remain as one, not to become another or different

6. to wait for, await one

NAS Word Usage - Total: 118 - abide 16, abides 22, abiding 4, await 1, continue 4, continues 1, endures 3, enduring 1, lasting 2, lives 1, living 1, remain 20, remained 6, remaining 1, remains 8, stand 1, stay 11, stayed 11, staying 3, waiting 1

More than that, how do I continue to abide in Christ in the mundane, in the chaos, in the junk? So I'm wrestling through all this. One verse that keeps coming to mind over and over for months has been Colossians 4:2--Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. Another verse that pops up a lot, mainly in my thoughts, is John 15:5--I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

My question: "Okay God, so how do I remain in this constant state of prayer, and of watchfulness, and abide in You?" I've often wondered if it's possible to live in that "quiet time" state, for lack of better words, all the time. Is it possible to live in the presence of the Ever-Present God every waking moment--to experience that peace, that calm, that serenity in His presence? Even when you're out and about and chaos is happening all around, or when nothing is happening and life is mundane and ordinary? 

I had finally come to the conclusion that the answer must be "Yes. It's absolutely possible." 

And then the inevitable "but"--But that's only for super holy saints with focus and self-control like I'll never know. I'd be lucky to attain such a state of holiness by the time I'm 80, should God grant me that many years. 

This time I'm thankful for the "but"--But that's not acceptable. I've been made holy already because of Christ. I'm as redeemed as those "super holy people." And really, there aren't degrees of holiness. It's all or none. You either are or you're not. That's the nature of holiness, right?

So what am I missing? I keep praying. I keep thinking. I keep reading about the lives of the great men and women. I'm listening for the answer in a sermon. I'm hoping it's going to jump off the pages of my Bible. 

This is about a month ago. Now I'm talking to God. I'm talking to Him about this guilt, this stupid stinking constant nagging guilt that I always feel. I'm never doing enough. I'm never doing the right thing. Or I'm not doing the right thing at the right time. I'm practically screaming in my journal--"Disappointment." "No escape." "Frustrated." "Trapped." These words are coming up far too often. Finally as a last resort, I pray about it. "God, I'm working so hard. At what? For what? Better yet, for WHO? You don't seem to be too into what I'm doing here. Do You even hear me anymore?"

I start thinking back on a recent conversation with some friends that came to visit. John Piper's Christian hedonist idea came up and the idea that "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever." A small shift happened. The puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place. Slowly. Ever so slowly.

So a couple of days after this chat with God, I am talking with Him again. Okay, actually I am pitching a fit in His presence. (I'm a sheep. A stupid forgetful sheep.) Clenched jaw. Clenched fists. Tears. Frustration. Anger is rising. I'm practically yelling on the pages of my journal again. I write these words: "God, I'm tired of working for You." And He stopped me. I put down the pen. I turn the pages of Scripture to Mark 10:45--For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. I can hardly breathe. He reminds me. I don't work for Him. He doesn't need me. It is He who serves me. It is He who blesses me, that I may enjoy Him. He fills me up, and naturally I will pour--I daresay, overflow. This isn't work. This is abundant life in Christ. 

I unclench my fists, relax my jaw, stop crying, and apologize. What does He say next? "Lauren, all I've called you to do is enjoy Me. Just enjoy Me."

And I respond, "Wait. Um. Seriously? I must not be hearing You correctly today, God. I don't know if You've seen life out there, but it's really hard to enjoy you on the streets of Mumbai." And there it is again. The words of John 15 running through my mind.  Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. (vs. 4-5) 

Fast forward a little. My teammate, Lena, has been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. She has finished the book and brings it with us to Bangkok. We're in Bangkok because I'm sick. I'm tired of being sick. I'm angry. I'm tired--so tired--of hospitals. I don't want to learn a new medical system, meet a new doctor, repeat more tests. I'm spent. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Exhausted. My spiritual life--not a picture of health, either. My jaw is always clenched, gritting my teeth. My mouth aches. And I know--something has got to give. This isn't me. I don't like this angry person. I want out of her skin. Those words come up again--disappointment, trapped, no escape. I want to pray. But I can't. I'm too mad. God might not be able to handle this much anger. He's probably too disappointed to even turn His head my way, anyways. (Like I said, not a picture of spiritual health.)

So I open One Thousand Gifts and I begin to read. The pieces start to fall into place. Ever so slowly it's beginning to make sense. 

Charis. Grace.

Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.

Chara. Joy.

I read her words. She talks about what Jesus does hours before He is going to be executed. He sees it as a gift and gives thanks. "Deep chara joy is only found at the table of euCHARisteo--the table of thanksgiving. ... Is the height of my chara joy dependent on the depth of my eucharisteo thanks?" (pg. 33)

Now I'm hooked. My soul knows she is right. Maybe if I can get the hang of this, I won't be so uncomfortable in my own skin. I keep reading. So she decided to write this book because a friend challenged her to make a list of one thousand things she's thankful for. She took the challenge. As she started living eucharisteo, she found joy. Ordinary moments--washing dishes, doing laundry, baking break, driving--turned into holy moments with her and the Gift Giver. 

Colossians 4:2 comes to mind again. That two-word prepositional phrase at the end--"with thanksgiving." I nearly ignore it, tossing it in as an afterthought. The NAS words it, "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving." Devote yourself. Attitude of thanksgiving. That's a tall order. 

It's a challenge. So I start making my list. (Read the book...it'll make more sense.) I start taking pictures of random moments, little things--eucharisteo moments. It's fun. It's impossible to feel anger or self-pity when you're thankful and thus, full of joy. I'm convinced that thanksgiving is way to live in that state of constant awareness of abiding. "All is grace." It all comes from Him. So when I choose to unclench my fists and turn my palms upward to receive whatever He has given with thankfulness, I am accepting His gifts--living in the presence of the Ever-Present. Recognizing and receiving charis with eucharisteo inevitably leads to chara.

I am going to put a picture of a eucharisteo moment on here for the next 30 days. I hope you enjoy it, too! 

Here are a few from our time in Bangkok. :)

Salt and pepper shakers that hug.

This snail all alone in the middle of a sidewalk on a busy street.

On our way home that night we saw this guy. Making progress.

So pretty. In the hospital in Bangkok.

Delicious. Fun plate. Sprinkles. Whipped cream. So many reasons to be thankful for this.

If you know me at all and know that India doesn't have Starbucks, this is a given.

So much love. Among salt and pepper shakers.

Break[ing]through

I must confess that I am a filthy, no good, low down, unfaithful…blogger. Sorry it’s been about 100 years since my last post…if anybody even looks at this thing anymore. My bad, guys.

However, I must say that my heart is full as I write this. Full of joy. Full of excitement. Full of wonder and amazement. Full of trust. He has made me full.

So let me back up and give a little explanation. See what had happened was….
I moved to Mumbai in the middle of December. Shortly thereafter I started having some stomach troubles, but it’s India, right? We all expect that here. It wasn’t serious, and I was still functional. So I ignored it and hoped it would go away. (I know, this is kind of dumb of me, but alas, it was my attitude.) So about the middle of January, I am so nauseated for about 3 days that I can hardly make myself drink water or move. It was misery. So I took some meds, and things improved some. However, things were still not good. Then things got worse than they were before, so I took more meds because I knew I had not taken the full round of antibiotics the first time, I took another round hoping this round would knock it out once and for all. Things seemed to be improving significantly, I daresay normal, for a few days in the middle of February. Then I got SICK. I mean, really sick. I was in Goa, and it was not a good situation. So at the suggestion of several it seemed I might have an amoeba, so they suggested I start taking a particular antibiotic to hold me over until I could get back to Mumbai and good healthcare. Of course when I got home, I hit the ground running and didn’t go to the doctor. I seemed to be improving so I didn’t worry too much about it. I knew I wasn’t fully well. But I was functional and we were busy. Who has time to go to the doctor and be sick, anyway? Not this girl. …Or so I (pridefully) thought.

Well my birthday comes (on March 6) and I am doing okay. We celebrated all weekend. :) Then Monday night, things got bad again. By bad, I mean severe, and I knew I absolutely HAD to go to the doctor because my fever had gotten up to 101°, and I could barely move. Not a good situation. The doctor tells me on Tuesday (March 8) that I probably need to be hospitalized. He ran some tests and told me to come back on Thursday, and we’d go from there. I went home, got worse, came back on Thursday to find out I was much sicker than I had imagined and was hospitalized. Had a bunch of tests run, saw several doctors, and they concluded I had a particular infection and starting treating me for it. I begged to go home since the meds were by mouth, so they let me go on Saturday. Well over the weekend, I was not improving. Monday morning (March 14) I went back to the doctor and was hospitalized again. Added some more meds to the mix and waited. My symptoms were improving, but my energy and strength were declining. It just didn’t make sense. So on Thursday (Mar 17), they let me go home. I was still really weak, tired, and just not feeling right. So my teammates took care of me round the clock, and I rested. Through all of this I am praying, others are praying, and my initial GI symptoms are drastically improving. However the tests were showing some decline, which just doesn’t make any sense. So I took it easy and rested over the weekend.

I wanted nothing more than to return to work on Monday morning. So I tried easing myself into it and did a few things on Monday. Tuesday morning I woke up, and I felt horrible. My whole body was aching like I had just started a rigorous workout routine for the first time. [You know what I’m talking about.] So there was some particular work that I had missed out on for 2 weeks and was absolutely determined not to miss. So I prayed, full of faith, that He would give me just a few hours of health and energy to get through this one “appointment” (if you will), promising that immediately afterwards I would return home and go straight to bed. From the time I prayed that prayer to the time I got in the auto to leave this appointment, I felt like my normal self. I had energy and no overwhelming body aches for the first time in weeks!!! As soon as it was over, I must admit I did not go straight home. I went straight to a new coffee shop (that just opened up that I have been dying to go to!) with some friends. As soon as I sat down, it was like a blanket of fatigue had been draped over me and my whole body longed to lay down more than anything.

So I knew that God had heard and had been hearing my prayers and was choosing for a specific reason not to answer them the way I (and many others) had been asking Him to. But I felt encouraged that He was at least acknowledging me, and I got the distinct feeling He was begging me to ACKNOWLEDGE HIM in this! And I am talking about real acknowledgment that reaches deep to that part of my heart that only He sees and understands. Acknowledgment that BELIEVES He is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do. [Sidenote: In the midst of this, I started doing the Beth Moore study called “Believing God.” If you are familiar with this study, you know that this is NO WAY, NO HOW coincidence. The timing is simply impeccable. It’s an entire study devoted to, that’s right, you guess it…BELIEVING GOD. I was on week 2 at the time, which focuses on the fact that God is who He says He is. In the hospital I started week 3, which is about God being able to do what He says He can do, i.e. miracles.]

Tuesday afternoon I came home and rested. I went to sleep and ended up sleeping about 12 hours. I had committed to staying home and resting on Wednesday, so Wednesday morning rolls around with me feeling like I have been hit by a baseball bat all over. I was nauseated and exhausted most of the day. Last Wednesday night our team got together to celebrate someone’s birthday and to have prayer. We prayed for many of our team’s needs right now. We also prayed specifically that at my follow-up doctor’s appointment the next day that the doctor would be amazed at how my God—THE God—had healed me. By the time we got home from this prayer time, I felt drastically better. My energy had been restored! So I went to the doctor last Thursday and some of my results were worse, while some were better. I told my doctor that I believe Jesus had healed me. He just said, “Lauren, when you left last week I was very concerned and wasn’t sure we were on the right path. But against all odds you are doing much better.” My God is all-powerful, and He does miracles!

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops. –James 5:15-18


When I first came to India my prayers were…
• Give me rock solid faith.
• Show me complete and utter amazingness that only You can do.
• Search my heart and show me what I haven’t surrendered to You.
• Give me a right view of who You are and who I am.
• Open up Your Word to me and let me see who You really are (as opposed to the image I had created in my head).
• Help my unbelief! Give me the ability to BELIEVE what Your Word says. Period. [One of the main things I have struggled to believe all my life is that He loves me NO MATTER what I DO. His love…and faithfulness and trustworthiness…is not dependent at all on my actions.]

What He has shown me and given me through this ordeal is…
• An unshakeable BELIEF down to my core that He is trustworthy. I really can put all my faith in Him.
• Even if I am lying in a hospital bed not DOING anything “for Him,” He loves me just the same. In fact, I felt more loved just resting in Him in those moments than I ever have while out doing things for Him.
• Even if I choose not to trust Him, He is still trustworthy. Even if I choose not to have faith, He is still faithful. Even if I can’t muster up the courage to believe He will come through, He is still faithful, trustworthy, and GOOD. No doubt. God and His attributes are not at all dependent on me. [PRAISE HIM for that!!! I’d be in quite a mess otherwise.] “Our God is in the heavens; He does all that He pleases.” –Psalm 115:3
• That I really believe at many times that though He is able, He is unwilling to answer my prayers. I was holding onto a lot of control (of things that, in reality, I have no control over) and doubt that He would ever really come through for me.
• He never gives me what I deserve. He gives me so much more!!!!
• Healing! He has shown me directly and personally that He is able AND willing to do things on my behalf. [This is definitely not mentioning the countless other things He has one in the lives of others here that I have seen firsthand.]
• Utter peace. Oh the peace that only He can offer in the midst of a storm. Peace that He is there. Peace that He is enough. Peace that He hears me, though He may remain silent.
• Many more things that I am still processing. But these are some high points.

Praise God! He is so good, and I hope that those of you who have been faithfully praying on my behalf are encouraged as you read this that He has answered your prayers! If there is something you are going through and you’re asking God to work in your life, I hope this encourages you to persevere in prayer. A good friend mentioned something she has read recently that said something to the effect of “save your best striving for rest in Me [God].” He has definitely shown me that sometimes choosing to rest in Him is harder than any back-breaking work, because it takes consistently thinking and believing that He will come through without any work or help on my behalf. [I am so thankful for what this has shown me. I do pray that I don’t have to learn this lesson this way again, though. :)]

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. –James 1:2-7