One Step at a Time: August 2011

God glorifies Himself toward the creatures also in two ways: 1. By appearing to…their understanding. 2. In communicating Himself to their hearts, and in their rejoicing and delighting in, and enjoying, the manifestations which He makes of Himself.… God is glorified not only by His glory’s being seen, but by its being rejoiced in. When those that see it delight in it, God is more glorified than if they only see it.… He that testifies his idea of God’s glory [doesn’t] glorify God so much as he that testifies also his approbation of it and his delight in it.

-Jonathan Edwards (as quoted in Desiring God)

I read this last night in Desiring God. It goes right along with what I’ve learning and doing with this concept of eucharisteo, so I thought I’d share it.

Today was another perfect day, much like yesterday. I am thankful to God for the peace and serenity of this place and this vacation as a whole. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

Okay, for today’s picture. Here it is.

Now let me explain the events leading up to this little guy, who I named Charlie. :)

I’m sitting in my lawn chair listening to a pretty boring podcast staring at the water. Out of the corner of my eye I see two dogs down the beach having a lot more fun than me chasing birds in the water. They are hilarious. They warm my heart.

So I decide to go see if they will befriend me. (I love dogs. Really. Love. Dogs. I miss my dog, Sam, so much it physically hurts sometimes.) On my way over Lena makes a comment about a “chunk of my calf” being missing one day because I try to pet pretty much all dogs I see. I start to second guess myself. But I go anyway. As I get closer, they notice me and start walking away. I start thinking about my calf that might be missing if I go closer. Then I start thinking about my fingers. I like my calves and my fingers where they are. I turn back. Oh well. They’re fun to watch.

So I return to my chair and sit down. No sooner than I sit does this little fellow, Charlie, arrive. He walks right up to me. I exclaim, “Thank You, Jesus. You knew I wanted to pet a puppy so bad today!” Lena laughs really hard and says, “You know, you’re exactly right.” She continues to laugh and take a picture for me. :)

He stayed with us and eventually made his way right into my lap. Adorable. Then I went to the water for a minute. He followed me down there and played in the sand while I played in the water. After a few minutes of that he followed me back to my chair, where he made himself comfortable. :) So I explain to Charlie, “It’s okay; I was getting ready to go inside anyways. You can stay and keep Lena company.”

What a fun day. Thank You, Jesus!

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. -Psalm 118:29

Oops. I think it's been five months since my last post on here. I'm really terrible at this. But that's all about to change. At least just the consistency of my posts--I'm committed for the next 30 days. I'll explain.

For the past year or so, since I started training to move to India, the consistent theme of my time has been "abide." John 15 and 1 John have been the places I have camped out the most on this topic. What does it mean to abide? Here's where I started:

According to Strong's (Thank you biblestudytools.com):

Meno--

1. to remain, abide

a. in reference to place

2. to sojourn, tarry

3. not to depart

a. to continue to be present

b. to be held, kept, continually

c. in reference to time

4. to continue to be, not to perish, to last, endure

a. of persons, to survive, live

b. in reference to state or condition

5. to remain as one, not to become another or different

6. to wait for, await one

NAS Word Usage - Total: 118 - abide 16, abides 22, abiding 4, await 1, continue 4, continues 1, endures 3, enduring 1, lasting 2, lives 1, living 1, remain 20, remained 6, remaining 1, remains 8, stand 1, stay 11, stayed 11, staying 3, waiting 1

More than that, how do I continue to abide in Christ in the mundane, in the chaos, in the junk? So I'm wrestling through all this. One verse that keeps coming to mind over and over for months has been Colossians 4:2--Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. Another verse that pops up a lot, mainly in my thoughts, is John 15:5--I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

My question: "Okay God, so how do I remain in this constant state of prayer, and of watchfulness, and abide in You?" I've often wondered if it's possible to live in that "quiet time" state, for lack of better words, all the time. Is it possible to live in the presence of the Ever-Present God every waking moment--to experience that peace, that calm, that serenity in His presence? Even when you're out and about and chaos is happening all around, or when nothing is happening and life is mundane and ordinary?

I had finally come to the conclusion that the answer must be "Yes. It's absolutely possible."

And then the inevitable "but"--But that's only for super holy saints with focus and self-control like I'll never know. I'd be lucky to attain such a state of holiness by the time I'm 80, should God grant me that many years.

This time I'm thankful for the "but"--But that's not acceptable. I've been made holy already because of Christ. I'm as redeemed as those "super holy people." And really, there aren't degrees of holiness. It's all or none. You either are or you're not. That's the nature of holiness, right?

So what am I missing? I keep praying. I keep thinking. I keep reading about the lives of the great men and women. I'm listening for the answer in a sermon. I'm hoping it's going to jump off the pages of my Bible.

This is about a month ago. Now I'm talking to God. I'm talking to Him about this guilt, this stupid stinking constant nagging guilt that I always feel. I'm never doing enough. I'm never doing the right thing. Or I'm not doing the right thing at the right time. I'm practically screaming in my journal--"Disappointment." "No escape." "Frustrated." "Trapped." These words are coming up far too often. Finally as a last resort, I pray about it. "God, I'm working so hard. At what? For what? Better yet, for WHO? You don't seem to be too into what I'm doing here. Do You even hear me anymore?"

I start thinking back on a recent conversation with some friends that came to visit. John Piper's Christian hedonist idea came up and the idea that "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever." A small shift happened. The puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place. Slowly. Ever so slowly.

So a couple of days after this chat with God, I am talking with Him again. Okay, actually I am pitching a fit in His presence. (I'm a sheep. A stupid forgetful sheep.) Clenched jaw. Clenched fists. Tears. Frustration. Anger is rising. I'm practically yelling on the pages of my journal again. I write these words: "God, I'm tired of working for You." And He stopped me. I put down the pen. I turn the pages of Scripture to Mark 10:45--For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. I can hardly breathe. He reminds me. I don't work for Him. He doesn't need me. It is He who serves me. It is He who blesses me, that I may enjoy Him. He fills me up, and naturally I will pour--I daresay, overflow. This isn't work. This is abundant life in Christ.

I unclench my fists, relax my jaw, stop crying, and apologize. What does He say next? "Lauren, all I've called you to do is enjoy Me. Just enjoy Me."

And I respond, "Wait. Um. Seriously? I must not be hearing You correctly today, God. I don't know if You've seen life out there, but it's really hard to enjoy you on the streets of Mumbai." And there it is again. The words of John 15 running through my mind. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. (vs. 4-5)

Fast forward a little. My teammate, Lena, has been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. She has finished the book and brings it with us to Bangkok. We're in Bangkok because I'm sick. I'm tired of being sick. I'm angry. I'm tired--so tired--of hospitals. I don't want to learn a new medical system, meet a new doctor, repeat more tests. I'm spent. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Exhausted. My spiritual life--not a picture of health, either. My jaw is always clenched, gritting my teeth. My mouth aches. And I know--something has got to give. This isn't me. I don't like this angry person. I want out of her skin. Those words come up again--disappointment, trapped, no escape. I want to pray. But I can't. I'm too mad. God might not be able to handle this much anger. He's probably too disappointed to even turn His head my way, anyways. (Like I said, not a picture of spiritual health.)

So I open One Thousand Gifts and I begin to read. The pieces start to fall into place. Ever so slowly it's beginning to make sense.

Charis. Grace.

Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.

Chara. Joy.

I read her words. She talks about what Jesus does hours before He is going to be executed. He sees it as a gift and gives thanks. "Deep chara joy is only found at the table of euCHARisteo--the table of thanksgiving. ... Is the height of my chara joy dependent on the depth of my eucharisteo thanks?" (pg. 33)

Now I'm hooked. My soul knows she is right. Maybe if I can get the hang of this, I won't be so uncomfortable in my own skin. I keep reading. So she decided to write this book because a friend challenged her to make a list of one thousand things she's thankful for. She took the challenge. As she started living eucharisteo, she found joy. Ordinary moments--washing dishes, doing laundry, baking break, driving--turned into holy moments with her and the Gift Giver.

Colossians 4:2 comes to mind again. That two-word prepositional phrase at the end--"with thanksgiving." I nearly ignore it, tossing it in as an afterthought. The NAS words it, "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving." Devote yourself. Attitude of thanksgiving. That's a tall order.

It's a challenge. So I start making my list. (Read the book...it'll make more sense.) I start taking pictures of random moments, little things--eucharisteo moments. It's fun. It's impossible to feel anger or self-pity when you're thankful and thus, full of joy. I'm convinced that thanksgiving is way to live in that state of constant awareness of abiding. "All is grace." It all comes from Him. So when I choose to unclench my fists and turn my palms upward to receive whatever He has given with thankfulness, I am accepting His gifts--living in the presence of the Ever-Present. Recognizing and receiving charis with eucharisteo inevitably leads to chara.

I am going to put a picture of a eucharisteo moment on here for the next 30 days. I hope you enjoy it, too!

Here are a few from our time in Bangkok. :)